Thursday, July 17, 2008

Your 2008 Bad Baseball All-Stars


Baseball's back... sort of. The three day break was sorely needed for lots of teams, and though only a small handful of them return to action today, it's the start of the second half!

Before the games begin, I'm announcing the selections for the first half Bad Baseball All-Star team. These were guys who've been colossal disappointments, with stats that make you wonder how they're possibly sticking around at the big league level.

Let's begin.

C: I could've gone with Jason Varitek, which would've been ironic since he was on the actual All-Star team. Instead I'll go with Kenji Johjima, who is contributing what he can to the mess in Seattle with his .213 average and 3 HRs.

1B: Richie Sexson. Before his release from the Mariners, Sexson hit just .218 and struck out 76 times. It seems that he'll soon join the New York Yankees, presumably as a righty bat off the bench.

2B: Freddy Sanchez, Pirates. It's hard to believe this guy won the National League batting title in 2006; he entered the break hitting just .226 with a .251 on base percentage.

SS: Kahlil Green, Padres. A .216 batting average and 85 K's made Green the easy choice here. It's not as if he's a great fielder, either; his seven errors are in the top half (or bottom half, however you want to look at it) among shortstops.

3B: Jack Hannahan, A's. I tried to keep this list to guys who were once considered All-Stars themselves, but Hannahan's "contributions" with a .226 average as Eric Chavez's replacement in Oakland had to be recognized.

OF: Jeff Francoeur, Braves. Because he complained that being sent to the minors after hitting .234 was a slap in the face.

OF: Andruw Jones, Dodgers. I remember when $15 million dollars got you more than an overweight, injury-plagued outfielder who hit higher than .217 and slugged more than 2 home runs.

OF: Gary Sheffield, Tigers. Things haven't gone so well for Sheff since being implicated in various performance enhancing drug deals. He's batting just .217 in 2008.

SP: Obviously, the choice to start for this team of misfits would be Barry Zito. Good thing the Giants are only paying nearly $15 million for his 4-12 record and 5.62 ERA. Honorable mentions are Brett Myers, Phillies (3-9, 5.84 ERA; currently in the minors) and Tom Gorzelanny, Pirates (6-7, 6.57 ERA; was a respectable 14-10 with a 3.88 ERA just last year).

RP: Eric Gagne is no stranger to Bad Baseball, and he'd get the nod to close out a game for this squad. With two losses, five blown saves and a 7.33 ERA, there's nobody I'd feel less safe with on the mound.

Ladies and gentlemen, your 2008 Bad Baseball All-Stars!

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