Saturday, June 7, 2008
The saying is DON'T drink and drive, Cedric.
“I will say this slowly so that you don’t get too excited… Cedric. Benson. Arrest. AGAIN. For. DUI. I know that is very surprising… I myself was shocked! In fact, getting my hair cut this morning, the barber had to ask me to shut up because it was all I could talk about. How could such an upstanding example of all-that-is-wholesome in professional sports get caught again for the same offense that threatened to end his career less than a month ago? I mean… huh? What do you mean you’re not surprised?! Am I alone in my disbelief…? Am I the only one that didn’t see this coming?! Poor Cedric… Poor, poor Cedric.”
*best infomercial voice* Is thinking too much of a burden for you…? Can you see yourself making comments like those above? If you too would like to experience this disconnection from reality and the complete cluelessness that leads to not being able to see the coming of the most inevitable events in sports, send $20 to the following address:
Ryan’s Crazy Pills
1234 So Obvious Avenue
Ignorance, CA 66666
Oh, and if you don’t take these pills already but you actually didn’t see this coming, please turn in your fan card at the door when you leave! Thank you.