Monday, April 7, 2008

Vick continues to move the chains

Embattled NFL superstar Michael Vick seems to be getting a lot out of his current stay in Leavenworth United States Federal Penitentiary. He has written Falcon’s owner Arthur Blank (who has admitted to corresponding with Vick regularly via mail), explaining that the time he has had to reflect on his actions has made him remorseful, and that he will be a changed man when he is released. What is responsible for this grand epiphany in only three months you may ask? Could it be religion? Could it be the pots and pans he reportedly scrubs for $0.12 an hour? Could it be the roughly $16 million Vick will still have in his bank account when he gets out? I think not… I believe the thing that we (as a society) have to thank for Vick’s lightning-fast rehabilitation is football. That’s right… Prison football. And here, on this blog, we have the exclusive inside story of how the penal pigskin changed Mike’s life…

Sources have reported that Vick was chosen #1 overall by the Leavenworth Lawbreakers, but, in a stunning move, refused to sign as the Lawbreakers GM would not include an extra helping of creamed corn at lunch. Then, when the A-Block Outlaws came up with four packs of Menthol Kools as a signing bonus, Vick took the unprecedented step of committing to both teams.

As the season began, Vick found himself the starting quarterback and face of not only one, but two of the marquee franchises in the Nation’s premiere Federal institution (who needs the Pro Bowl?). And what Mike was able to accomplish was nothing short of remarkable… In the Lawbreakers’ home opener, Vick ran for an unbelievable 10 touchdowns (five for each team) before the game was called on account of an ill-timed shanking of an Outlaws’ cheerleader. In the games that followed, Vick continued to run amok, like a men among boys, playing the game he loves. At this pace, Vick is poised to end his prison career as the most prolific scorer in Penal League history, relegating Lefty “Maddog” Jenkins to nothing more than a footnote in the history books.

Those of you that know me know that I can’t resist the fantasy angle here… My advice? Get Vick now!! This is the biggest no brainer in the history of fantasy sports! I have already added him in three of my four Prison Pick’em leagues, including my keeper league (at most he’ll only get out 90 days early for good behavior, so he’ll start next season too). Now, if I can only figure out a way to get Chris Henry transferred to Leavenworth… CHAMPIONSHIP… Lock it up!


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